This is the story of how I almost went OTD. So many people ask me, why I am not off the derech yet, and I want everyone to understand why…. so I am writing my story here. This is part one.
First you ask me, why would people even think to ask and to want to know why you haven’t gone off the derech?
Well, I made aliyah (I am from the USA) in my teens, recently in fact. This wasn’t the only time my family moved around. I have also struggled with many different things in my life (like everyone). My struggles have ranged from, easiest ADHD to my hardest, abuse. A lot of people have told me that either I should have run away, been of the derech, or dead by now.
So, I have had a hard life (Who hasn't?) I decided to create a blog two year ago since I feel I have a lot of life expirience from the things I have been through, I feel my ideas are important, and I have what to say. Basically, I want to change the world!
Who said life was easy ? Nobody.
What do we want in life? Don’t ask me! I am only 17!
Do we want life to be easy? No! That would be Booooooooooring
Do we want it to be hard? NO!!!!!!!! Not too hard!
So what do we want?!?
Well, I want what’s best for me. I want to live a fufilling and meaningful life. Yes sometimes that means life is hard, but it's worth it if I feel good with myself and what I'm doing in this world. Life is like a heart beat, if there are no ups and downs it means you are dead.
But what is what’s best for me? How do we know? Baruch Hashem we don't have to think much about it as long as we belive in Hashem and that all he does is for the good. But how do we know that G-d wants our best? How do we know there is a G-d in the first place?
So many questions. First I am adressing the Hashem question:
My questions for the logic for Hashem existence were solved when I saw the statistics for one human being to be made on this earth. Which is about one in 400 trillion (4×1014). What’s the probability of your existing? It’s the probability of 2 million people getting together – about the population of San Diego – each to play a game of dice with trillion-sided dice. They each roll the dice, and they all come up the exact same number – say, 550,343,279,001.
I looked around thw world and decided there must be a G-d. I also realized that the Torah must be the truth, and so I decided to learn more about it. So now I know that I must be put through all these different crazy stuff in life for a reason. G-d put me here. He HANDPICKED ME to be his daughter! He chose my life, my strengths and weaknesses, and where I will go. He chose my destiny.
Sometimes things in life are easy,
other times things in life are hard.
But if Hashem brought it to you,
he’ll take you THROUGH!
And you know deep
down inside that it’s all for the…
So, I want what’s best for me.
Maybe if I wanted revenge, or to get back at all the people who abused me I would go OTD to spite them.
Or I would go there for the pleasure, C’mon, admit it. You want a boyfriend too, right? You want to do whatever you want without having rules about who you can hang out with, touch, and what you do with them. And why not?
You want to wear what you want…why not?
You don’t feel any pleasure from Judiasm or any reason to stay, so WHY NOT?!?
I found my pleasure in being Jewish. I researched, asked questions, read until I found what I beleive to be is the truth. Rules were only put here for our own good. What would the world look like without rules? Rules make life hard, but in other ways it makes it so much simpler and easier. I beleive strongly we weren't put here stam. We must have a reason, we must be here not to just satisfy our pleasures.
So I found G-d. Ever since, I just kept on holding onto him as tight as I could.
I am here now because I know, in my brain and in my heart that Hashem loves me. He is the one who will continue doing that forever, and he will ALWAYS do what is best for me, though it may be hard or not seem like it at the time. I am here, an ultra orthodox Jewish girl because I CHOOSE to be here.
If you don’t have G-d, what’s to stop you from going OTD? From doing whatever, whenever?