To my dear sister,
We haven't formally met, but we did pass each other recently on the street. If you remember, our eyes met for a second, I looked down, and your hand instinctively brushed some hair out of your face.
I don't know that you thought of me for another second - I didn't particularly stand out I look like the "regular black and white yeshiva guy" - but I was wondering about something for a minute or two after we walked on.
No, it wasn't your face, or your hair. I looked away before I really saw you, and I wouldn't recognize you if I saw you again, it was really the rest of you.
I just wondered; weren't women supposed to be more sensitive then men? I know I'm not supposed stare and I take my responsibility very seriously. I know Hashem sees, and my hope is, Hashem will reward me (in this world) with a wonderfully happy marriage.
Yet, I still couldn't help but wonder about you. Where was your natural modesty? Aren't women more sensitive then men? Did you really honestly feel that if you stretched a colored shirt over your self-that you weren't showing through your clothing? Did you really not know that your skirt closely followed your bodies' shape? I'm sure you remember the days you knew better.
Look at pictures from just a few years ago and you'll remember that you also thought if one dressed in tight clothing - she wasn't "so frum". How did you turn yourself off? At least you had enough sensitivity to be speaking quietly on your cellphone. But why weren't you doing your job?
I realize clothing styles must be a hard test, judging by what it makes people do. I have respect for you, and feel bad for you. But, You, and others who dress like you, make the street, busses and stores a very uncomfortable place for my friends and I to be.
Dressing not carefully in a public is not only between you and Hashem. Its inescapably bain adam lachaveiro. That's very dangerous. Do you need to ask a lot of people for mechilah? And just like with loshon hora you can't say;" I'll say (dress) whatever I feel, and its everyone else's fault if they are mikabel (if it bothers them)". As you know that's 100% foolish. It's like leaving your jewelry out in the street because people aren't supposed to take it. Do you feel you're less important as your jewelry?
Make believe you're someone else and look in the mirror think about what she looks like - not just if she looks good, are you ashamed for her?
Please realize, just like in baseball, there is a strike-zone for the choice of clothing you wear. It's from your shoulders until your knees.
There's an Umpire in heaven and He keeps exact score. When you choose your clothing, only you are batting. And all are watching you. What your friends do doesn't help you. Of course, when you do something which is hard for you, even if no one else knows, you score a lot of points for us-because we are all on the same team. And, crowds of angels cheer for you! I know everybody has a different amount of strikes but ultimately, there is din v'cheshbon for every conscious time you wore something in a way you really knew better-and He knows. I'd hate to see you chas vishalom strike out. We are in this game even if it's not so easy. I have to do my job too. I beg you, can you please be more sensitive? Besides the "regular" Halachos even keep in mind vihavta lireacha kamochah! Perhaps this year add some inches to your skirt, baggier clothes and admit some things aren't necessary to wear
in public. Sensitivity is the real Jewish style. Be sensitive-be in "style". Maybe a group of friends can make the kabalah together-if that makes it easier. Then you can come confidently to Hashem and say; "I am careful ,please take special care of me".
And, when you beat "al cheit shechatanu lifanecha bigiluy arayos" be sure that your white blouse isn't tight, so the angels won't laugh at the tears on your special face.
Your friends may ignore this, feel bad for them with me. Hashem cares about all of us. And I'm davening for all of us, that during this year we'll all get our zivug- our personal home-run.
Gmar chasima tova,
Avi.
