TOPIC: The pain is OK

An ageing master grew tired of his apprentice’s complaints. One morning, he sent him to get some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master told him to mix a handful of salt in a glass of water and then drink it.
“How does it taste?” the master asked.
“Bitter,” said the apprentice.
The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”
As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?”

"Fresh,” remarked the apprentice.

“Do you taste the salt?” asked the master.

“No,” said the young man. At this the master sat beside this serious young man, and explained softly,

“The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

Life is painful at times. In fact, life WILL be painful at times. It's a simple fact of living on this planet. And I can't control life...or the pain it brings. But if I teach myself to look at the pain in a bigger context, it will be less bitter.

the question is... How do you become a lake?? How do u look at pain in a bigger context??

Hi,
I can reply to this but I don't think I'm qualified to be able to really answer, especially not on here. If you'd like I can give you names of people/places who you can email to ask.
In short, my view would be that making yourself a lake would mean to be looking at the bigger picture. Don't just see the pain. See the small things that you are grateful for. R', hmm, I don't remember who it was, was saying that he gave a class to people and asked, if you'd use the use of your feet who would still be able to be happy - some people put up their hands. If you'd lose ___ et al, until the last question, if you'd lose all your faculties, but could still think, would anyone here still be happy? One person put up his hand and said that he would. Because he could use his mind, and he'd be able to be happy because he is working with what he ha, and that's what he has.
I'm not putting it down very clearly, but the point is that there is so much pain, such real pain. Some situations, you should't just look at the big picture, but have to actually do something to change the situation, because it isn't safe. Safety is paramount. Even then, though, one can look at the small things they're grateful for.
This morning, for example, I'm grateful that I slept a little bit. That I feel asleep after I woke up. That it's snowing outside and looks stunning. That I've a bed to sleep on. That I like my bedding.
Sometimes, when I'm stuck in my head, I'll sit for 4 minutes writing what I'm grateful for. It really helps me focus on that rather than the other things. And when I'm in a better frame of mind, I can look at what the pain is and see if there's anything I can do about it.
Sorry for rambling....

Need answers wrote:
That was exactly my question when i read the article. Soooooo i have something thats helped me be a lake.

Baaasics when you have positive thoughts along with your pain... that kind of adds good stuff then dilutes the pain. know wat i mean??

thanks so much

? What do you mean?
Although you're reminding me of the book 'It's all a gift' by Miriam Adahan. To look at the pain and see the gift inherent within it. Although, with some things I can't find the gift...

I think sometimes that pain and pure bad is a gift....

Its an emunah and lifetime working on its easy for me to say now. but yeah dont always see it myself!!

hey newmember havent seen you round here much WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Why would you think that pure bad is a gift? Pain, I don't think it, but I can see why you'd think it. But bad???? What's the gift?
When I say see the gift, hmm, with people who are extremely hurtful, I'm learning how to let go, with ___ I'm learning to see that it's not my issue, with ____ I'm learning to see that it's about xyz and has nothing to do with me et al. But pure bad??? And there are definitely things that I don't and can't see the gift inherent in them. I mean, they teach me stuff, but what it's teaching me I'm learning through other situations, I don't need that pain added for it.

newmember... dittoing the hi!

nice to see you too bas melech

thank you ellie!

When i went through abuse. I had the worst feelings of absolute pain and horror and yeah it was pure bad. Then when i accepted that i can actually have feelings to feel the pain i was able to a bit see positive and slowly but surely i could see more positive till i almost forgot about my pain
That better??

do i know you newmember think i do...

hmmmmm

i think i would say yes

Welcome newmemeber!!

And BasMelech- I'm so interested in what your saying about transforming the pain... can you explain this sentence more:

I can try... Dont seem to be very good at it...

When i got an appreciation that i actually have feelings and i know whats correct and i know what feels wrong That alone is an amazing thing i can be grateful for.

I use the technique often for example i recently got thrown out from someone who i was very close to...
I made a list of the goodness and then waited a bit for clarity of the situation. In the end Hashem showed me a few things in her light.
Now i have full understanding and am able to the good...

The letter i not sending her...

Dear Hidden Rebbetzin,
I’m not exactly gonna come to your door and be like- “thanks for throwing me out”- But thank you.
Thank you for not judging me when I told you everything I was doing in my life.
Thank you for giving me a 2nd home and loving me like your own. You were always there during the times when everything was just so hard.
Thank you for giving me so many chances when I spoke inappropriately in front of your kids.
Thank you for realising I was depending on you for everything and this could not go on.
Thank you for throwing me out, you did me the hugest favour, you gave me time to blossom on my own, make proper friends, do teshuva and be a good growing teenager again.
Not only that but when my mum came to ask why you threw me out you took the blame to protect me. Now am building a relationship with her.
It doesn’t end here- when one of your helping girls told me one of your kids asked where I was you responded saying it was private. You kept my dignity before yours.
I have no more words to say.
Except I am sorry, truly sorry I am baal teshuva and only now I can see retrospectively what I did to you. I am in awe and appreciation of what you did.
Forever I will be grateful. Maybe one day we will make it work again.
With love,
Your adopted sister

Basmelech,

I have tears in my eyes reading that letter. It's so real, so genuine and filled with hope and pain at the same time.

It's amazing how you can stand in a place where you're able to look back with ACCEPTANCE, and more than that, GRATITUDE.

A real lesson for us all

Your letter is... wow...