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TOPIC: thoughts,opinions??

thoughts,opinions?? 5 years 2 months ago #216

  • Growing
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well I feel that there are so few posts and there is just so much to say about this world that we live in and this religion we share. So I was thinking. How do you as a female see yourself in todays age. How do you feel about halacha. Any of it?
I was just in a class discussing halacha that girls should know such as, havdala,kiddush and davening. So that we may in times that we need do what we need for ourselves. But in these days girls are often taught find a man,a female may,but dont even bother find a man. I feel that this is so sad. It is perfectly fine for a female to make kiddush for herslef if no male is available why take that away from a girl? Every girl should have that expericne,of sanctifiying shabbos with kiddush,its such an experiacne I feel.

Any thoughts or feelings out there?
Have a great day,and an even better tomorrow :D
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thoughts,opinions?? 5 years 2 months ago #218

  • Hadas Bat-el
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I completely agree with you. kiddush isn't that hard to make, you don't exactly need a class on how to open a bencher and read a few words.....

We learn halacha in school for a reason. Davka my school is extremely strict about missing halacha class. It is considered to be the most important class in our curriculum.
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thoughts,opinions?? 5 years 2 months ago #222

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Interesting question...

I haven't thought of a real answer but here's something that I experienced and I don't know if you'd relate to this at all.

I was working in a Jewish hotel the whole summer. Myself and the other frum workers were allowed to eat with the rest of the hotel in the dining room. All of us are over Bat Mitzvah and all of us could have made kiddush on our own yet we waited around for a table we saw about to make kiddush and then asked them if we could join. it was a bit embarrassing, I can't explain why, it was just awkward to stand there but I'm trying to think why we did it. There's something special about the man of the house saying Kiddush while everyone stands around listening. I'm not sure we would have felt the same had a bunch of teenage girls just mumbled through the bracha.

I'm not sure what i'm trying to say, maybe you could figure it out for me ;-) it's just an opposite approach to what you brought up. What do you think??
'A person can't decide to sit on the sidelines in this world. Once we're born, we're on the playing field that means we have to pick up that ball of life's challenges and begin running with it towards our goal'
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thoughts,opinions?? 5 years 2 months ago #225

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According to halacha it's better to all join together to hear one kiddush then to make your own separate ones (same thing as minyan). which would explain what malki did. why women don't make it? well, I do....
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thoughts,opinions?? 5 years 2 months ago #226

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Haddasi- thank you! and i also beleive its such an experiance as well,seeing that you are responsible for yourself as a practicign Jew as well. However my school usually said" you may but its better not to,wait 20 mineutes and find a man" like...no. I am busy and need to do things sometimes but thanks.

Malki- I hear everything you are saying. First of all,congrats on doing what you felt was right even though it was hard and awkard. It may have been the rigth thing in your situation considering that there was available for you rigth there. There is also somethign special about a man of the house saying kiddush for everyone,for sure. But lets say you are not in that settting,or would be very difficult to find a man of the house....then what? just wait around for an hour? Why do you have to mumble through kiddush? you have heard it hundreds and hundreds of times you do truely know the words and if not,read through them slowly,and if not learn them by reading them. Girls are not less,if anythign we are held on a higher level then men in Judiasm. One girl taking the responsibility for others and making kiddush is beautiful to me. That girls also know how to read it and have kavanah and do it proplerly"Hashem i know this" but whatever you feel ok with is the thing to do. We are so used to men doing it because its the best option but if the time ever arises you need a female to say kiddush or havdala or hamazti dont shy away. Embrace who and what Hashem has made you as and serve Him as such.

Ellie- ok,well its better,for sure.If a man is in teh house then you cant do it as a female. But why wait around for an hour or two for a man. A female may,its not going down anything.YOu dont loose any mitzvah as far as i know. I understand both ways,but why dont we teach both ways and atleast entertain the possibility.
Have a great day,and an even better tomorrow :D
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thoughts,opinions?? 5 years 2 months ago #227

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I actually grew up knowing that there is a difference between Kiddush at night and in the morn... At night when there if there is no man then every women should make Kiddush separately. She cant do it for everyone. yet in the morning it is okay for one girl to make Kiddush and have in mind all the others....
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thoughts,opinions?? 5 years 2 months ago #228

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Growing - you asked why can't women do hamotzi, havdala, kiddush. Why wait an hour? I don't know why your school teaches what they do - how about asking them about it? Maybe there are opinions that say so? I'd have no problem saying kiddush shabbos morning though 20 min before my father came home if I were hungry..... An important note about havdala is that men should make it and be motzei the women... It's really not simple for a female to say it, and in contrast to what you're saying, that girls seem to think they can't say it, there are more females I know who don't know there is an issue with it then those without.
JAP - I've never heard about Friday night each person making their own kiddush and I'm almost certain that it isn't so. Maybe there are different opinions... If I remember I'll try to find out.
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thoughts,opinions?? 5 years 2 months ago #231

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okay, okay I pull back!! im really bad in these things... I was not a good student... and always knew just enough to pass my tests...so really I cant give you any mekoires from where I know this.. just growing up we always did it this way...so maybe do try to check it out... thanks:)
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thoughts,opinions?? 4 years 7 months ago #526

  • Ellie
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Just to clarify,
I haven't asked a rabbi, I'll try to maybe and post the response here, but I was just reading this and didn't want people to read this and have misconceptions.
It could be that there are different opinions, but
Halachically there is ZERO issue with a girl making kiddush, hamotzi or havdala. Havdala is a little trickier as there are some brachos (I think it's meorei haeish?) that is a man's bracha so what is a female meant to do when making havdala, say it, or not. There are differing opinions on that and different people do differently. With kiddush - I know many seminaries that the girls there make kiddush on their own. Both Friday night and Shabbos day. How it works is that one person is motzei the rest of the people.
I'm happy to hear different opinions on the matter if there are any, but, as I said, I just didn't want people to read this thread and think that they have to wait for a man when there is no reason to (of course unless you are following an opinion that holds differently, but definitely a good percentage, if not the majority, hold as I wrote).
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