TOPIC: Is it really like they say?

My expirience with shidduchim goes as far as the Mishpacha Magazine stories. (And the ones in Ami). You know, the typical girl can't find good shidduch because her sister is special needs.

I have a question, is it like that in real life?
What about all the people I know with mentally ill siblings, girls kicked out of school, gone to therapy, went OTD, or all of the above?

I've taken up this attitude!!!

If somebody doesn't need me because __________(fill in the blank with any situation) then obviously he does not deserve me at all. Challenges and obstacles only make us stronger and better people... The so called "normal" may sometimes be a bit shallow in this aspect.

I have that perspective, but my real question is, how many other people do too? Is ur perspective considered out of the box and not the norm?

Out the box...

Okay could be its out of the box. But its about yourself and how you deal with it. You can either choose to become a slave to peer pressure and be affected by it... or be free and have a an honest opinion in matters...

Yes you will be affected by it (some situations more than others...) but you can choose to view it as either good or bad!!!

It's good. I just don't understand why in our society being tougher is "out of the box"

hhmmm.... we all live in some sort of box. just it all has a different label....

Okay for me personally I love being different...I hat normal...so the fact that a shidduch might be affected does not bother me at all. And then ill probably get the boy that also comes with some history which is even better, since he might have a better perspective on life than the "normal" ones out there....

I really truly agree with you. I do want a boy with history too, but the thing is, would anyone take my history?

Yes, Hadas Bat-el, there are people who would take your issues... you aren't so abnormal... in the wider world out there not everyone is so into the box, and there are people who don't care about externals. In the end of the day you're a stronger and deeper than most because of what you've been through, and you want someone who sees it as an asset. Anyone who doesn't isn't worthy of you. You have to believe in yourself first though... but, why are you worrying about finding a guy already now????? (ps, I'm waiting for that phone call!! though I don't really have time.... but who cares???) and, as you must be hearing constantly in school, Hashem has prepared a zivug for every person 40 days before they were born....

I have one quick thing to say about this that my teacher, Mrs Dina Schoonmaker once said.

It's really hard to know where to draw the line between what your hishtadlus is, and what you leave up to Hashem. Should I worry that I failed all my chumash tests? That mental illness runs in my family? That I don't get along with my parents? That I am in therapy?

She told us that anything that you can't do anything about; biologically, things in the past etc are OUT OF YOUR CONTROL. If Hashem bestowed them upon you, He'll make sure they don't affect your chances at finding your soul mate. Anything you can do for yourself, work on etc, you try do steps to make things better for yourself.

Seems obvious, but gave me alot of chizuk. You daven and daven and daven, but at the end of the day, you can't worry about things that are out of your control. The fact you have these things cannot and will not affect your possibilities of finding your man.

We're having a whole lot of 'love, dating, and marriage' classes so really ask these kinds of questions because I have amazing people I could ask!!!

Yeah it\'s like they say. We look like the almost perfect family aside for 1 sibling but that doesn\'t affect shidduchim so much. It\'s me that\'s affecting it. Those small things u do in high school, the few times u dressed innapropiately cuz u needed attention. The things u said and did behind ur parents back. They come back to haunt u when ur in the parsha
And most important- if u know that u have issues and ur parents don\'t:
A- u need to ask a rav what to do- u can call one anonymously
B- remeber that rabbi twerski who is very into mental health said that marrige doesn\'t solve issues.
You will only suffer more if u don\'t take care of it.