TOPIC: Time?

So, the time has come for many of my friends both near and dear and not to "be in the parsha". They are mostly looking for that full time learner,BMG and just AHH I can hardly take it anymore. I cant tell if I really want to or not. I mean I would love to be married,find the person destined to me from Hashem..but is it really the right time for me? Does anyone feel like they are being made to feel like being 20 and not dating yet is so wrong?

ahhhh shiduchim. a girls favorite topic

im in the same boat as you! I have been speaking it out with a bunch of people, I hope that what ive discovered will help you.

I think there are 2 parts to the question.
1- what society is telling me to - Culture is an amazing thing. when one feel part of a greater group it gives them a sense of inclusion which we all strive for. |But sometimes its not always the best. If one doesn't fit the "mold" they can be outcast-ed before you can say boo.
In my personal opinion, sometimes it is not always the best to follow the group. & this might be one of them... if you answer honestly #2

2- What my gut is telling me to do what is your gut telling you to do? what are the factors involved? why do you not feel ready?
I, myself would love to build a home. I would love to have someone to lean on in this crazzy life. I would love to have the ability to implement all that i have learned in my own four walls. But, after speaking it out with a bunch of people, it is not a logistic opportunity for me this upcoming year.
Will other people disagree with me? yes. But no matter what i do people will have something to say....................

1. Society should not play a huge role in shidduchim. Society is supposed to set ground rules. Like it being okay to to go in from age 16-25. Most people don't enter shidduchim for the first time past 25. Not that I know of.

2. You will never feel 100 percent ready. That's a fact. It's like telling a kid jumping in a swimming pool the first time to wait until he is ready. Shidduchim is legitimately scary because it's the unknown to us. Our minds can't calculate what will happen.

3. Be honest with yourself and go with your gut. You do have to be somewhat ready. Ready to make a jump with closed eyes and a prayer on your lips, not ready to fall the the pool completely straight like a board without bending your knees or jumping in lower.

4. Don't let anyone tell you when you are ready. My bestie is 18 and got engaged when she was 17. She was ready and did not care for what anyone else though.

5. Hishtadlus. Be realistic about hishtadlus. Hishtadlus is not going to every date in heels, hishtadlus is understanding realistically what abilities you have, where you want to go, and therefore who a good partner would be.

Hatzlacha! I hope I was helpful!

Hey how ya doin?

HI all. Wow you guys responded?!?!!? haah I was just really trying to see if anyone was out there, maybe in the same boat but awesome advice adn funnily enough i give the same to thers as well. I guess its just I am feeling like i would love to I just hate that its not my time yet,even though it will be better to wait..it just feels like its been a long time in waiting. The frum yeshivish world is started to get in my head and I have to remember to not let it:)

How are yall doing?

im surprised that you didnt think we would respond... Personal insult!
jk
ya i understand that you wanna like "get on with your life" i wanna too. But in the long run if i follow the crazy "societal" norms IM gonna be the one who suffers not them....

Same. I'm doing great!! How are you?

haha yeah totally was ment as a personal insultXD
so im glad you took it that way.

yeah your right. I wont be rushing anytime soon..just wish i could shout it to the world you know?

gee thanks that was a nice ego boost!

well you can shout it too the world. ist that what Facebook /insta all of social media is for?

Or you can do it the old fashion way. Post a sticky note on your forehead & walk around with it. It gets the message across

Loove ghe sticky note idea:)
Ugh yime passes and age old questions still remain. Im mot.crazy but alot of my friends are.dati bfn g and married and now younger than me...i feel.old amd not with it oysh...and then i feel pathetic for feeli been gthat way haha..all in a days work:)

Whats doing by all of u