Welcome, Guest
Username: Password: Remember me

TOPIC: All Opinions Please

All Opinions Please 2 years 6 months ago #876

  • StillFighting
  • StillFighting's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Newbie
  • Posts: 16
  • Thank you received: 9
  • Karma: 1
I'm not sure how many people are out there but whoever comes by i'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter.
Considering you are one in shiddichum pursueing a prospective girl/boy for a shidduch, if you were redt someone that you know - in their teenage years had a hard time and emotional rollercoaster. or if you yourself has recently gone through a tough period in your life with depression/anxiety/meds/addictioin... would you stay away from a boy/girl like that because of it? Would you consider yourself in a different category and maybe not for a 'regular" boy?
if you had a friend you know has been through a lot of mental health issues but is getting help - and she's now starting shiddichum would you thinks is unfair to redt her to a guy without saying of her previous issues?

Please let me know what you think!
The administrator has disabled public write access.

All Opinions Please 2 years 6 months ago #877

  • Hadas Bat-el
  • Hadas Bat-el's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Administrator
  • Founder of FHO
  • Posts: 147
  • Thank you received: 20
  • Karma: 2
Hi again! There's a lot of ideas in this post that I think are all kinda mashed up together.

1. Should one dealing with tough stuff go out with someone else who is dealing with tough stuff?
2. Should one dealing with tough stuff go out with someone who is dealing with the same tough stuff? EX: Anxiety prone girl + Anxiety prone boy.
3. Should someone dealing with tough stuff consider themselves to be in another league as the "normal people"?
4. Should a friend of someone dealing with tough stuff (who is dealing with it properly) keep a secret about her friend's stuff?

Did I summarize correctly? Please let me know if I misunderstood anything.
Now, my opinions:

1. We all deal with tough stuff. Anxiety, depression, addiction, lose of a family member, to some degree the majority of society deals with tough stuff. Life isn't easy for anyone, as much as it may seem. The thing you should look out for, rather than what someone is dealing with is rather How they deal with it and their perspective on it.

2. I think it depends on the situation and what the people are going through. Two horizontally challenged people are usually set up, and there's no problem with it (except that through the generations their kids will slowly shrink further and further until they become midgets, but that's doesn't matter :cheer: , because the ikar is not to you marry a guy shorter than you!).

But seriously, two people with bad anxiety might be horrible for each other, but there might be another boy who grew up with anxiety and was taught when he was 6 coping mechanisms and a girl who has anxiety, but only socially, and they might make a great match.

I mean it really depends on the 2 people, and IMHO it could go awful or amazing, just gotta figure out which one it will be for a specific person.

3. See answer 1. Besides for that, God runs shiddchim. There's no competition or league or normal. There's your bashert, waiting for you. And no matter what you are dealing with, you are VALUABLE, and if someone doesn't see that immediately, FIND SOMEONE ELSE. A different shadchan will help you and be the messenger.

4. The halachos of loshon hora and shidduchim are extremely complex. I suggest you consult a Rav for specific sticky situations. Generally speaking there's many shuirim and books on the topic, and it's worthwhile to get your hands on some of that.

What does everyone else think?
Welcome to the FHO forum!
I'm Hadas Bat-el founder of FHO! I'm also a poet, blogger, writer, copywriter, and proud redhead! You can read my blog here: frumhangout.com/index.php/blog/item/hadas-bat-el-2 , I post every Sunday!

I can't wait to get to know you all! So what are you waiting for?! START POSTING!

You can also reach me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you have any questions, comments, or you want to help with the site!
The administrator has disabled public write access.

All Opinions Please 2 years 6 months ago #879

  • Malach136
  • Malach136's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 44
  • Thank you received: 11
  • Karma: 4
hey! these are hard questions to answer,
i think they are not a clear cut answer but it rather depends on the situation, what has he/she dealt w/ in the past? the greatest of people could have had hard/ bad in their past but what matters really is what they are today, how much have they grown from their challenges, how did they deal w/ it and how strong do they stand in what they are today, depending on the person and how likely is he/she gonna fall back into her/his challenges, depending on the challenge and most of all depending on you (if your the one thinking of marrying this person) can you deal w/ such a person, can you respect him? that is a very important factor in marriage.
and as far as telling someone about your friends challenges - you can't lie if they ask you directly but you shouldn't really say anything that can ruin it because that person may be really good w/ this particular friend and wouldn't mind the challenges once they get to know each other while if they found out before they met it'll scare them away, it definitely depends on the particular issue and one should consult a rav about if/what/when to say. if the person is dealing w/ it correctly then why not give them a chance and see where they are going to and how much will it interfere in their life?
The administrator has disabled public write access.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Hadas Bat-el

All Opinions Please 2 years 6 months ago #880

  • StillFighting
  • StillFighting's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Newbie
  • Posts: 16
  • Thank you received: 9
  • Karma: 1
I guess it's more like - if you were redt a guy that experience emotional issues is it something you would view as a chesron (shortcoming) or having been a teenager yourself accecpting it more easilsy than someone that hasn't been through anything.

Good points Hadas and Malach its what to think about
The administrator has disabled public write access.

All Opinions Please 2 years 6 months ago #881

  • Hadas Bat-el
  • Hadas Bat-el's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Administrator
  • Founder of FHO
  • Posts: 147
  • Thank you received: 20
  • Karma: 2
Definitely not a shortcoming.
But depending on the person, the issue, how they dealt with it etc I'll decide if this is something that will lift me up or bring me down.

It's nothing personal if it's the latter.
Just like different things inspire us, different music makes us feel different ways, different people will have a bad or good influence on us.
Welcome to the FHO forum!
I'm Hadas Bat-el founder of FHO! I'm also a poet, blogger, writer, copywriter, and proud redhead! You can read my blog here: frumhangout.com/index.php/blog/item/hadas-bat-el-2 , I post every Sunday!

I can't wait to get to know you all! So what are you waiting for?! START POSTING!

You can also reach me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you have any questions, comments, or you want to help with the site!
The administrator has disabled public write access.
Time to create page: 0.224 seconds