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TOPIC: is there a problem of pritzus for girls???

is there a problem of pritzus for girls??? 3 years 2 months ago #691

  • Malach136
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every time i want to go somewhere i am told i shouldn't cuz it's full of pritzus, but i'm a girl & have no problem of tznius seeing others & i'm dressed tznius so what's the problem?

That's a very good question! I've wondered about that a bit myself. Although I've heard some nice things on the topic, I'm interested in what our staff has to say. Will post an answer when I get one!
- Hadas Bat-el
Last Edit: 3 years 2 months ago by Hadas Bat-el.
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is there a problem of pritzus for girls??? 3 years 2 months ago #700

I see from your question that you are a thinking young woman, who wants to do what is right. You are among the fortunate ones who understand that you should dress in a tznius manner and are looking for clarification regarding the lack of tznius of others. Thank you for reaching out for clarification. You are correct that going to a non-tznius place is more of an issue for men who have to watch their eyes, but as you have said, women are also encouraged not to frequent places that are "full of pritzus." I can offer two possible reasons for this.

One reason is that a person is identified with the crowd that he hangs out with. Going to a place where most of the people are not tznius can have you identified in the eyes of others, and even in your own eyes as part of that crowd. Another reason, which is more important in my opinion is that when you are in a place where tznius laws are disregarded, you can get accustomed to a lower level of tznius and it will very possibly erode your tznius sensitivity.

For example, if you see a billboard that has a woman not properly dressed, the first time you see it, you will be horrified. After seeing the same billboard a few times, you won't even blink when you see it. I am not suggesting that you will end up dressed (or undressed) like the woman in the ad, but the next time you go to buy something your tznuis sensors might be a bit compromised. Of course this does not have to happen if you strengthen yourself before going shopping, but avoiding places of pritzus is a good recommendation to help your personal tznuis.

Feel free to post more and to discuss this further. I would to hear your reactions.
Hatlzacha.
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is there a problem of pritzus for girls??? 3 years 2 months ago #701

  • Rabbi Meir Kahane
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Sorry it took so long for this to get up. Baruch Hashem there's lots to do on the site!
- Hadas Batel


Seeing effects you. Mystically one shouldn't stare at a moon or rainbow! OK that's hard to understand, but Judaism appreciates that seeing negative things, even if you are not actively participating in the actual negativity, still effects you.

I happen to think you believe this as well. I'll prove it to you:

Let's think about it this way. Let's say you were walking in a particularly lowly part of town with your daughter (yes you'll have to project yourself into the future a bit to appreciate this.) She's a good BY girl, doesn't have tznius issues, does the right things, overall (pretty much the way you described yourself). You're walking down the street and see a man and women involved with each other in a way that is highly inappropriate right in front of you! You notice your BY daughter watching them. How do you feel?

My guess is uncomfortable. But why? Shes not acting that way? She wouldn't. Shes just watching others do that. Why does it bother you? Why does it matter that she sees other people behaving that way?

The answer is that you know it it is effecting her, even if you cant pin-point exactly how. She is being effected. You dont want her seeing that. Intuitively you know that it effects her even you don't know how.

Lets say your walking in town and a lady walks in front of your daughter wearing an extremely inappropriate, provocative outfit that is designed to attract the opposite gender to look at her, and she clearly wants people to look at her. How do you feel when your good bais yaakov daughter stares at her? Uncomfortable? A little embarrassed. Not sure what shes thinking... But why? You and her are dressed fine? The answer is that we know that seeing such things does something to a person. Whether its thoughts or purity... or something. Even if you cant exactly explain what was effected, your discomfort expresses that something is being effected.

And even if you wouldn't mind all that much if she sees these things, you will admit that you'd prefer she doesn't, and would be happy if she ever did. But why? There's nothing wring with it! Apparently, you realize there is...

Bottom lime, you have to take care of yourself like you'd take care of your daughter. Seeing these things effects and its better to avoid them if possible.
Rabbi Kahane is menahel of Chedvas Bais Yaakov in Yerushalayim. Originally from Memphis, Tennessee, Rabbi Kahane is a dynamic and sought after speaker. With a mix of deep machshava and meaningful messages, Rabbi Kahane appeals to a wide range of audiences. He teaches in every level of Jewish education from frontline kiruv at Aish HaTorah's Discovery Seminar and JEWEL program, to Bais Yaakov. Besides Chedvas, Rabbi Kahane teaches in a number of schools including Bnot Torah Institute (Sharfman's), Pninim Seminary, Lahav Bais Yaakov, Seminar Yerushalayim, Bais Yaakov Kesser Chaya, Neve Yerushalayim and lectures in almost every major Jewish institution in Yerushalayim including Hebrew University. He teaches Gemara in Aish HaTorah's Bais Medrish program and formerly taught machshava in Yeshivas Ohr Yerushalayim and Yeshivas Ohr Dovid. Rabbi Kahane is also leads the "Nesivos" Bais Yaakov trip to Poland. Rabbi Kahane earned his smicha from HaRav HaGaon Rav Moshe Meiselman shlit'a in Yerushalayim and studied both under him and HaRav HaGaon Rav Simcha Maimon shlit"a. Rabbi Kahane has become known worldwide as a highly innovative educator and serves as educational consultant for a number of Jewish institutions in Israel. Rabbi Kahane lives in the Maalot Dafna neighborhood of Yerushalayim with his wife and family.
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is there a problem of pritzus for girls??? 3 years 1 month ago #711

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But what about one who is used to seeing stuff a lot, like for me for instance. I don't think I'm just going to completely not go to malls and even more so be online, seeing things that's are not outright inappropriate but definitely do not have good undertones. Why would it make a difference to just see a little less?
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is there a problem of pritzus for girls??? 3 years 1 month ago #712

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I think if had a daughter exactly like toy you'd still feel uncomfortable with her seeing the things you do. No?
Rabbi Kahane is menahel of Chedvas Bais Yaakov in Yerushalayim. Originally from Memphis, Tennessee, Rabbi Kahane is a dynamic and sought after speaker. With a mix of deep machshava and meaningful messages, Rabbi Kahane appeals to a wide range of audiences. He teaches in every level of Jewish education from frontline kiruv at Aish HaTorah's Discovery Seminar and JEWEL program, to Bais Yaakov. Besides Chedvas, Rabbi Kahane teaches in a number of schools including Bnot Torah Institute (Sharfman's), Pninim Seminary, Lahav Bais Yaakov, Seminar Yerushalayim, Bais Yaakov Kesser Chaya, Neve Yerushalayim and lectures in almost every major Jewish institution in Yerushalayim including Hebrew University. He teaches Gemara in Aish HaTorah's Bais Medrish program and formerly taught machshava in Yeshivas Ohr Yerushalayim and Yeshivas Ohr Dovid. Rabbi Kahane is also leads the "Nesivos" Bais Yaakov trip to Poland. Rabbi Kahane earned his smicha from HaRav HaGaon Rav Moshe Meiselman shlit'a in Yerushalayim and studied both under him and HaRav HaGaon Rav Simcha Maimon shlit"a. Rabbi Kahane has become known worldwide as a highly innovative educator and serves as educational consultant for a number of Jewish institutions in Israel. Rabbi Kahane lives in the Maalot Dafna neighborhood of Yerushalayim with his wife and family.
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is there a problem of pritzus for girls??? 3 years 1 month ago #713

I think it's about becoming desensitized, and it's not black and white. It's not-- "well, I'm exposed to some things are aren't ok, so I may as well just get exposed to a lot more of it".

If right now you're smoking 3 cigarettes a day, it does make a difference when you start smoking 5 or 10 or a pack. Every cigarette adds another layer of tar to your lungs, even if you don't feel the difference. And every time you say hold back, you're bringing yourself to greater health, even if you don't feel the difference. That's the power of Rabbi Akiva seeing the water dripping on the rock. Every drop really does remove some of the rock, even if you don't see the difference.

"We reach the mountaintop of an awesome life through a lifetime of small steps that are the daily good choices we have in front of us." - a wise man (me)
Rabbi Moshe Zeldman lectures on a wide variety of Jewish topics to audiences around the world. He teaches Jewish philosophy at the Aish HaTorah Yeshiva in Jerusalem to both beginners and advanced students, as well as many other educational institutions in Israel. He also lectures internationally for the world-famous Discovery Seminar. Born and raised in Canada, Rabbi Zeldman did his undergraduate work in Artificial Intelligence and Philosophy at the University of Toronto. During his studies he developed an interest in political issues affecting the Jewish community, and became involved in student activism, becoming national chairman of the Jewish Students Network, and served on the board of the World Union of Jewish Students. His interests in Jewish leadership and advocacy led him eventually to pursue studies in traditional Judaism. He made aliyah in 1991 and received rabbinical ordination from Yeshivat Aish HaTorah in Jerusalem. He teaches a variety of Jewish topics for Aish HaTorah, AEPi, Birthright, the Maimonides program at Princeton, Tel Aviv and Hebrew University, NCSY, Hillel, and the esteemed University of Cambridge Cholent Society. He has helped establish outreach centers in South and Central America, has lectured to Jewish communities in over 15 countries around the world, and founded the Core18 Leaders Lab for Jewish social entrepreneurs. Rabbi Zeldman lives in Jerusalem with his family.
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is there a problem of pritzus for girls??? 3 years 1 month ago #714

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thank you so much!! it makes a lot of sense now.
but what am i afraid of it affecting? the purity of my thoughts, or more than that? and how does it help if i'll anyways be seeing these things often?
also on a practical level if i were to try not seeing these things, how?
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is there a problem of pritzus for girls??? 2 years 9 months ago #736

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It'n not just the purity of your thoughts. Your thoughts affect how you feel and that affects your actions...it's like a train.
Welcome to the FHO forum!
I'm Hadas Bat-el founder of FHO! I'm also a poet, blogger, writer, copywriter, and proud redhead! You can read my blog here: frumhangout.com/index.php/blog/item/hadas-bat-el-2 , I post every Sunday!

I can't wait to get to know you all! So what are you waiting for?! START POSTING!

You can also reach me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you have any questions, comments, or you want to help with the site!
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