TOPIC: Why aren't purim costumes allowed for women?

I didn't know where to put this, cuz I think it's hashkafa but people talk like it's halacha..
I don't know anymore.
I was planning on dressing up this year, like always, but suddenly in school they are talking about how not tzniyus it is.

How can it be tzniyus for men..but not women?

Awesome question. Will forward to the Rabbi's.
Any of you teens or users have input on this subject?
- Hadas Bat-el

Interesting question, Rina!

First of all, I may get some flak for this, but I believe that you need to take everything your school says with a grain of salt. Besides for the fact that educators are human and make mistakes, it's also possible that you've misinterpreted their meaning.

So, here's my personal opinion on the subject: I don't believe that there is anything inherently un-tzniusdig in women's Purim costumes. What I do think is that many times, women (and, by women, I mean teenage girls, as well) get carried away by the Purim spirit and dress in a way that might be considered eye-catching or even pritzus.

This is, of course, a problem for men, as well, but you need to remember that modesty is especially important for women. I don't think there's any reason you shouldn't get dressed up, as long as it's done tastefully and within the laws of tznius!

So Mimi, can you give some examples of what you think that looks like?

Good question.

One of the goals when dressing in a tzniusdig fashion is not to draw attention to ourselves. Dressing in an eye catching costume, or any costume for that matter is doing just that. Obviously, if you don't want people to look at you, why dress up?

While it is true that you are not outright violating the laws of tznius as long as you are appropriately covered, however, on such a holy a beautiful like Purim, it is consistent with the holiness of the day to be careful not to celebrate it in a compromised fashion, particularly when Esther herself was known as a paradigm role model of tznius, what a shame to compromise tznius on her special day.

Of course inside, amongst women, there is no problem to dress up. But where men can see you, drawing attention to oneself, is something we try to avoid.

It might also be helpful to discuss this with the teacher who spoke about it in school. Having a conversation about it might be quite helpful in understanding it.

Regarding men dressing up, we can appreciate that the guidelines of tznius for men are different. While there certainly are rules of tznius for men, what is considered wrong is different for men than for women. Men have to be careful not to violate their guidelines, but wearing an appropriate costume in public does not violate those standards.

A freilichen Purim!
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Hm... Well, different things are acceptable in different communities.

In my community, for example, it would be perfectly acceptable for a teenage girl to put on a cute hat, wig, or pair of earrings. Anything more than that might be considered going overboard. Just as an example: I have a friend who dressed up as Harry Potter while she was in high school. Most people in my community would consider that (a) wildly secular and (b) pritzus, as the costume was definitely attracting some attention.

For my own part, I feel that it's also important to keep maturity in mind. Besides for the issue of tznius, I feel like many people forget their age on Purim and act like little children. Right now, I'm thinking of the married woman I met who was wearing a pink ballerina costume, complete with tutu and all. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel that's completely inappropriate for a woman with children, tznius or no tznius.

But, again, you have to know the standards of your community and what would be considered eye-catching. I think a cute hat or earrings would probably not fall into that category in most communities.

What do you think, Hadas?

I agree.

This purim I ended up buying a little flower wreath for my hair when I was out with my sister (who was buying a full fledged costume).

In the end I did dress up, but I tried to tone down my costume so it wouldn't be too eye catching.
Thanks so much for the information and answer!

good for you!