G-d
I want to turn to You
And I don't
I feel like I can't turn to You
I feel like
Once I've turned away
How can I turn to You
How can I ask You to be here
How can I ask You to hold me
How can I want to be close to You
How can I ask You
To stay with me
Keep me from being alone
When I've 'hurt' You
I do what You don't want
Do it intentionally
Knowing as I'm doing it
That it's wrong
Even if it may turn out
That some say it's okay
How can I speak to You
How can I be Your child
If I turn away
How can You accept me
Can You still
Accept me
Will You still
Stay with me
Stay here
Will You still be here
Have a G-dly day
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Hashem
I don't know what to do. I want You to be a part of my life.
I want security
I want safety
I want to know I'm not alone
I want consistency
I want love
I want knowledge
I want guidance
And You alone
Are one
Are all
You are everything
And only You
Can give it to me
I don't want You
In my life
I want to turn away from You
I want to hurt You
I want to do everything wrong
I want to go against
Every commandment You have
Coz' I want to hurt You
For creating me
I want You to regret
That You created me
And take me out of this world
But not really
For I want to be close to You
And if I transgress all
I won't be close to You
I'm terrified of connection
Afraid of closeness
With anything
So I want to push You away
And hurt You
Before You can
Hurt me
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Dear G-d
I never speak to You
For You seem so far
So distant
So unreal
I wonder if You care
If You're here
If You believe in me
I know that You do
For You must
For You created me
I feel like
I'm failing You
As though
You must hate me
For I'm ruining
Your world
I can't deal with
Myself
With the way I'm
Reacting
To those around me
Find it difficult to like myself
When I'm not acting lovable
They're driving me crazy
Your children
That they can't hear
Anything I say
I feel like
I'm talking to
Walls
Like the kid I teach
Who it all goes in one ear
And out the other
What do they know
I feel so alone
Do You care
Can You care
Guilt
That I don't talk to You
That I don't love You
That I want to leave You
Please
Stay with me
Even when I don't
Stay with You
Help me let go
Of all these false
Beliefs
Give me the strength
To stay true
To Your path
Guide me to get there
And be who I can
- Your child
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