Dreaming and Fighting
I like my blog. I feel free. I can share my struggles and who I am.
Right know, life is…ummmm the word would prob. be messed up. You would think at 11th grade I would know who I am already. I don’t. I mean I dooooooooo……but. I DON’T KNOW!! I feel so preassured and crazy, I have so many questions.
I want to be normal. I want to be a regular teen.
But I’m not. I’m me. I’m crying now. I don’t know where I’m going, as long as G-d is next to me. I’m a fighter, and I’m going to keep fighting till I am sure this is the right reality. So you can push me down, try to kill me. But I’m gonna get up. I’m gonna get up. No one can hurt me.
But somehow they can. I feel awfully confused. I can barely manage my emotional state so I have no idea how I am going to do 2 months of heavy testing while staying sane and not getting myself kicked outta my school. I don’t know. All I know is Hashem is in ME! He’s running through my blood. He’s whispering “GO GO GO GO GO GO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. SMILE. MAKE PPL HAPPY. SING. ENJOY. FALL. GET UP. BUT JUST GO GO GO GO GO GO GO”
I do. I dream. I fight. I’ll wipe my tears. I know some day I’ll find answers. Maybe I won’t even. It doesn’t matter anymore. Cuz I’m a fighter. I will get up, go to school and not PRETEND everything is okay. For when I know Hashem is with me and everything is for the good-I WILL BE OKAY. I hope.
But I make mistakes. Stupid mistakes. Will my world ever forgive me? Will the people I’ve hurt forgive?? Will my class???