Just 5 more minutes...
My writer’s block is getting to me.
Think, I want to think but I can’t think because thinking involves conclusions and that means you need energy to work through things until you can reach conclusions.
Thinking about thinking today (again), talking to a friend and telling her this about this, about conclusions. It’s fine she says, you don’t have to have energy to think all the time. I tell her I feel like I’m snoozing my thoughts. It’s unlike you, I think to myself. You never, ever press snooze.
It’s true. I’m not a snooze in type of person. If I’m awake, then I’m awake. Pressing snooze doesn’t usually shift me into another plane of reality where I don’t need to be awake and do things and have responsibilities and be an adult.
An adult? That’s what I am right? I think so, does the rest of the world think that’s what I am? Hmmm…depends who you ask.
Today I ran into an acquaintance who said she had read something I wrote somewhere. She said: “I thought it was you, but I wasn’t sure, you know?” This happens, a lot. *Sigh* Let me explain. For the vast majority of existence I was called by the name Hadas. Yes, that means Bat-el is notmy last name!
Why don’t I write under my last name? I’m not quite sure, it just gives me a queasy sort of feeling. I guess I feel like if my full name was broadcasted to the world, that would be about enough information for someone to go, look up my address, and like stalk me and murder me. (Not that I’m anyone’s hitlist…I mean, as far as I know.)
(Do people inform you when you are on a hitlist? I mean do you get an e-mail with one of those happy dogs or cats as a GIF with a message saying:
We are the mafia and we wanted to kindly inform you of the addition of your name on our official hit list, Mazel Tov! We wish you success, happiness and a long life until around the day after tomorrow” [In case you didn’t get the memo, we are killing you. Congrats!”])
So as I was saying, I confirm to this acquaintance that yes I changed my name, and no you do not have to go to the government to change the name you are called by. I was born Hadas Bat-el, it just wasn’t fully acknowledged until late. She continues on: “Well, I wasn’t quite sure, you just sounded so grown up, so I wasn’t positive.”
I interject. “Um, I am grown up.” I say stubbornly. I pause for a moment. ” Um..I think….well I am most of the time.”
You know, I think most people are adults most of the time. We all still have this child within us. We can act immature, be selfish, and not want to take responsibility. Actually, I don’t think it’s called being a child, I think it’s called being a human. We are here to overcome these things and rise above those things.
Sometimes we are supposed to do things, think things, we hit an internal snooze button.
But that’s okay, because you know when you need to get up by. So you need some extra time? You need some time to yourself? You need 5 more minutes, it’s fine.
You know you’re going to do it, and you have a deadline, and you’ll make it.
You know you won’t let anything stop you anyway.
So go hit snooze, and smile about it.
Lemme know what you think…in the comments below!
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– Hadas Bat-el