On being unique and sticking to goals

Written by Hadas Bat-el on Sunday, 06 May 2018. Posted in Working on yourself, Tips and Ideas to get higher

Being unique is overrated...

On being unique and sticking to goals

I don’t feel unique.
Not today.

I feel as typical as one can get, sitting here, typing up a blog post with a freshly made coffee cooling off  right next to me. Writing a blog post, hah. How unique. “Hi everyone I’m unique and different and this is why you should read my blog and not the other fifty million billion trillion other blogs out there.”

How funny.

I don’t feel like I have anything special to say today.
Sips coffee.
I don’t think that at this current moment I have anything extraordinary unique and meaningful to add to your life that you haven’t heard before and will just make your brain explode.
What’s on my mind this moment?

Oh-you-know, the-whole-thing-about-how-you-fall-and-you’re-supposed-to-just-get-up-again-and-move–forward-with-goals-and-life-and-frustration-but-it’s-okay-and-you’re-okay-even-if-you-don’t-feel-okay-because-you-have-God-and-just-daven-type-of-post.  

But now as I sit here and type about this, I realize no matter how I feel at the current moment, I am unique.

Ok, let’s start.
I’m a Jew.
I’m a frum Jew.
I’m a frum God fearing Jew.
I live in the most controversial country in the world. (And if you don’t know which country that is I think we might not be from the same planet).
I have a red hair.
I am literally the only person I know who is doing writing as a career. Specifically copywriting. (And no that does not mean I get paid to do plagiarism). 
I am also literally the only person I know who says ‘literally’ literally as much as I do. (No, I don't care if it's bad grammar. If it's how people talk, than you can write like that)
I am also the only person I know who finds joy and inspiration from writing using website that simulates the noises type-writers make as you type.

Ok. Besides for all that.
I know I am unique because God made me unique.
(Also, I think being unique is overrated. If you are trying to be unique that officially stamps you as not unique. [I’m kidding…probably] You were born unique.)

Can we just stop talking about being unique already since it’s overrated?
Um, you do realize no one is talking. This isn’t a conversation. You are typing something to an audience who has yet to read a word of this. You are in bedroom in your pajamas.
Okay! Yes I do know that! I was just trying to move along the post!
Fine, whatever. Just trying to be helpful here.

Anyway as I was writing, before I was very rudely interrupted, I want to talk about goals. Goals meaning, specifically some of things that help me move forward, get up again, and not feel discouraged. I do want to point out that although you’ll read a billion and one posts, articles, and talk to so many people about these types of things that when it comes down to reality, we are all overwhelmed by the information. Since the internet’s debut, we have so much information that we don’t even know what to do with it, and sometimes it can become so overwhelming that you end up doing nothing. 

Ever gone to a class or lecture, been so inspired, and end up doing nothing in the end?
Like I said, information overload.

So my advice for how to deal with advice is simply that:     

  1. You know yourself best.
  2. You have this thing called inition and logic.
  3. So if rules 1 and 2 are true, pick out 1 or 2 things from the world around that speak to you and try them out, and meanwhile shut the rest of the world out.

How to keep to your goals:

1. Plan out your goal. Sit down with a pen and paper and describe exactly what you want to do. Be clear about what, when, and how. For example:
I want to stop watching movies (WHAT), by the first of Elul (WHEN). To reach this goal I plan on:
- Not watching or discussing movies with any family or friends, so that I am not thinking about it as much.
- Only allowing myself to watch one movie a month until then.

2. Be realistic. Have a minimum and ideal goal. You know as much as you want to only be watching one movie a month, you aren’t sure if you can actually do that. Have you ever played a game on a computer or phone before? Oftentimes to complete a level there is a minimum goal to reach to pass, but if you get to a certain number that’s higher, you reach the “expert” goal.

Give yourself a minimum goal pass level, and a expert score. For example:
To pass the level: No more than 2 movies a month.
Expert goal: 1 movie a month.

Therefore you still feel like your goals are idealistic, but you still can reach them.

3. Week by week…
I started filling out a paper like this every month:

Master Plan

Here I can map out my entire month and really cut down my goals to mini-goals. I also see the entire path laid out before me, helping me see I am getting somewhere. It makes the whole process much less overwhelming.

Oftentimes my monthly goals like like this:
Week 1: Mini Goal
Week 2: Maintain
Week 3: Mini Goal
Week 4: Maintain

Oftentimes we lose sight how important maintaining something is. It’s not just about getting there, it’s about staying there. I think as a society we have lost the value of just maintaining something. Maintaining something is hard and necessary. That time isn’t wasted, and it isn’t worthless.

Take a mashal, a parable. One can landscape a beautiful garden filled with wonderful exotic plants and flowers, but if it’s not maintained on a daily basis it will quickly fill up with weeds and die. In Judaism there is no such concept of doing nothing, you are always going up or down. Maintenance is part of going up.

It’s vital, important, and when we don’t give maintenance it’s time, value, and place we fall.

4. When you fall, ask yourself where you went wrong? I got through these 3 things and ask myself questions. Was my goal too big? Was it not realistic? Did I just have a hard week/month and all I need is to just push my mini goal off by a week? Maybe I need an extra week to maintain what I’m doing? Am I subsciously putting down myself for “simply” maintaining something?

5. Get back up again.

It’s hard, it’s frustrating, but find things that with give your strength and inspire you to get back up with a better plan.

Writing gives me that strength.
Now I feel like I can get back up again.
I don’t need to feel unique to do so, I just need to be me.

Lemme know in the comments any tips or tricks you use to reach your goals!
Be in touch!
- Hadas Bat-el
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About the Author

Hadas Bat-el

Hadas Bat-el

Hadas Bat-el is a writer, songwriter, and blogger. She is the founder of FrumHangOut and the head of the first ever gemach for Jewish music. She has a passion for writing and has had work published in a few major magazines. 

She likes blogging about FHO, life, thoughts, writing, poetry, photography, and whatever is on her mind.

Feel free to e-mail her! She loves getting in touch with her readers!

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