Refa’ainu: Broken but Whole (Shemonei Esrei Musing Part 1)

Hey everyone!!! Here’s a new Series!!! My Shemonei Esrie Musings!
Each post I will take another Bracha, if you have any musing to add please contact me and tell me!

What do you think about during the brachah or Refa’ainu in Shemone Esrei?
I usually think of one or two people I know that are sick or in the hopsital.
But then I think of all the other things.
Refa ainu is a blessing of healing.

I think of all the Broken Spirits, depressed people I know.
I think of the emotionally messed up people (either permanently or just for now as teenagers are a lot of time like that)
I think of all the trust and friendships that have been broken, all the fires inside people that have been lowered to a flame.
I think of all the belief that is gone.
I think of all the spiritually, physically, emotionally any type of broken person.
I think of all the people who are so broken they have no hope.
I ask Hashem to restore it. To fill me with hope and spirit every day.
That I will be emotionally healthy, and physically too.

Refa’ainu is a blessing that is one of my favorites, for it starts with a plea for Hashem to heal us, so we can feel fulfilled and happy. And it ends with a lingering hope, that Hashem will help these people, and myself. And instill in me the flame, hope, desire, and help to go on with another day.

Speaking of Broken, I had a recent clash with reality and noticed that I haven;t visited him in a while in connection with a friend I have. So I visited him and ended up staying, it was hard and I certainly didn’t like to admit that things are different than they once were and probobly will never be the same…

I was pretty depressed too, I am able to see most things are from Hashem, but when it comes to friendships… I can’t.
I’d rather run from reality or blame it on something or use some other psychological shield.

But this time, I didn’t. I thought about the broken friendship and about Refa’ainu, and prayers, asking and Hashem. And I suddenly just got it!!

Suddenly, it all made sense! I thought and counted on my fingers how many things she had done for me since I’ve been her friend. I counted how many things she helped me with spiritually to grow and how many things she’s done. Most of the things I grew in when we were fighting/things were really heated the past few months. And things cooled down this month, we took a break, there was a vacation, and things are just pretty much over.
And now I see that if we wouldn’t of fought, she wouldn’t have helped me climb and get mature, and learn so much these past few hard months. And

GUESS WHAT? She was a messenger from Hashem, she did her job, she helped me get so much higher, but she couldn’t do anymore. She had taken me as far as she could help me
grow. So G-d ended it.

I am broken but whole.
I feel upset about the loss of friendship, but happy. As Hashem answered my prayers, he healed me, in the process, made me higher. And I am so thankful for that!

Be in touch!
<3 Hadassi