Take a step back

“What’s up?” I turn around when I hear her voice, but by then she’s right next to me. I turn back to the railing and rest my hands on it.

“You know, thinking.” I pause. She waits for me to go on. “And watching this beautiful sunset”. I add in. I mean it is beautiful. “When I get married” I go on further. “I’m going to have a porch, so I can watch the sunset every evening.”

I’ve been living on a ground floor apartment for about four years now. It has it’s perks, and it’s downsides.

I am thinking, there seems to be a lot of things to think about lately. (If you can’t tell by my posts over the pass month and a half). Thinking isn’t bad, it’s good. But it gets frustrating, frustrating to think about, and it gets frustrating to write about, and I’m sure, to constantly read about. It’s a good thing I only blog weekly! 

We’re talking again, she’s said something and I’m laughing. There’s faces peering from the window trying to make out what’s so funny, and in that moment there is nothing to think about. But in the moment after, everything crashes back.

“This is going to sound so corny and cliche” I say quietly, as I watch the sun wave goodbye for the night.

“Well, bring on the corn” She says.

“I can’t help thinking about the sunset, how all the colors seamlessly bleed into each other until you can’t tell them apart anymore. That’s what life has been like lately. A bazillion different things running into each other until you can’t pick the different parts apart anymore. It feels like a big mess.” I take a breath in and continue on.

“But, just like a sunset, if you take a step back and see the whole thing, as it is…it’s…it’s beautiful.”

She’s laughing again and soon so am I.

“I’m totally gonna quote that from you.” She says.

“Too cliche?” I ask.

“Definitely, but the good type.”

Which leaves me thinking even more.
Can cliches be good?
I don’t know anymore, but I do know one thing. I’m trying to take a step back.

This is reminding me of a song that’s been in my head all week by Yonina, called Seriously.
The lines that are popping out to me are:

Who do you think you are to take yourself so seriously?
So it’s a shot in the dark, it’s a mistake, it’s a part of what makes this life a mystery

 

These lyrics are just so powerful. Every time I hear it, I keep thinking to myself: Who are you to take things so seriously? This message is so powerful, that although we have to do hishtadlus, we cannot lose sight of what’s really behind everything, which is Hashem. Our actions DO matter, but just as sometimes we don’t value them enough, it’s also not a good thing when we emphasize “our power” too much.

And speaking of stepping back…here’s 2 more lines from the song:

Well I don’t want to end up nowhere
But lately I’ve been trying to just step back

I hope you guys have a great week!
I have some surprises coming soon….

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– Hadas Bat-el