The absolute worst and basically the middle of nowhere (+Poem)

Hey world!
I hope your Shavous was awesome and inspiring! Being outta school life seems to fly so fast. I hadn't even realized Shavous was this week until I was by a shiur Thursday night and the topic was Shavous. 🙄.

Perhaps when I can get my head on straight, then I'll be able to write holiday related posts again. When you are taking life one day at a time, well you don't look to far ahead. Sometimes that's good, but when you are a blogger, that's not so much.

I'm still looking for a job. I live in a pretty big city and you would assume they have actual jobs like somewhere...in the general vicinity that does not involve me traveling for over and hour each way. But no. I love how all the shadchanim I go to in this city ask so nonchalantly, "So, you're going to live here right?" and when I explain as another half of my soul will probably be in the decision process I cannot be quite sure yet where I will decide to spend the entirety of my life. (I mean I'm only 20, so assuming I live for another 100 years, that's a pretty big chunk of my life).

Also, even when I do find that-other-part-of-my-soul-person-who-I-will-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-forever-with-and-we-will-ride-together-off-on-a-white-horse-into-the-sunset-person-after-the-wedding-type-of-person-even-though-it's-kinda-late-so-into-the-sunrise-type-of-person who claims that even, we together will for sure have decided where we will be living for eternity before we are be married? Or know that answer 10 years later? I mean, have you ever heard of the concept of moving? Yes, I know it's rare, but it happens. 

Anyway everyone claims anywhere but this city is "the absolute worst and basically the middle of nowhere." (Clearly none of the people have actually been to nowhere. I would know, I'm from nowhere. When I went to sleepaway camp the majority of my bunk was surprised to find out that I did not own a horse, or cows or a donkey, or chickens, or pigs, and I did not ride any of the aforementioned animals to school)

I have one question, just one.
For all you people who think everywhere is nowhere.
If everywhere else is nowhere, than please explain to me,
WHY THE ONLY DECENT JOBS ARE ALL IN MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!?

Wow. Life is complicated.
And although I know no one has anything to do with me, and you can't compare others, it's hard to not get pessimistic when you aren't finding a job or the perfect sunrise riding on white horse kinda groom. (That was a joke, for real. Anyone reading this that has googled my name in order to research me, I really don't mean that I need a husband who also fantasizes about riding off into the sunrise on a horse, just a husband with a sense of humour)

You can't compare your life to anyone else's life.
It's hard not to.
I mean we are so alike.
We both have hands, feet, a brain, and a neshomah.
We both have emotions and logic. (The latter only sometimes)
I mean, it's really hard not to look at your friend and say "Why did she get that while I'm still waiting?"

I know everyone has told you that you are a unique neshoma with a different mission, and everyone has different +'s and -'s and....yeah. We all the that.

This is reminding me of a poem I wrote in seminary. (I'm going to get so many phone calls from people who want to know this about them 😏. But honestly I had no idea who I was thinking about when I wrote this anyway 😂.) 

You'll Crash:

Hey you know you've done so much
And sometimes you can be a little rough
on yourself

You compare yourself, your life, and how you're doing
But don't you know those lead to flawed and ridiculous conclusions
Even though it feels like it won't
and you rationalize that it won't

Sure, we run alongside each other
But we are so different from one another
And if you don't keep your eyes on your track
You'll crash

Burnout seems like it's inevitable
When your tank's on empty, and your heart is full
And stopping for a moment seems optional
But love, you aren't thinking rational

Sure, we run alongside each other
But we are so different from one another
And if you don't keep your eyes on your track
You'll crash

And when you took your eyes off of your track
Still running, a FLASH and a darkness
You saw everything that you think you lack
And you stumbled and tumbled, you fell over your own feet
lay on the ground, feeling so weak
and strength will only come
when you see
what you truly need to succeed
is right here, it's all been given to me

But you've forgotten all that you already know
Put down yourself for making strides that are different
no buts just and I'm unique, no need to be 'with it'

Although you feel all, you are the same
Your emotions play tricks, they'll call you names

So be strong.

Get up and run along.

Sure we run alongside each other
But we are so different from one another
And if you don't keep your eyes on your track
You'll crash

You know if you look at other people's track and compare...sometimes you do really feel like yours is the absolute worst and basically the middle of nowhere....

Hope you have a great week!
Lemme know your thoughts....in the comment section below!
- Hadas Bat-el
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